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Houston, Texas: 1982 was not a good year for me! My mom died in February, my ministry was in a shambles. The church I was pastoring was in trouble. I resigned the pastorate with no hope of any place to go. Our finances suffered. My heath suffered. I cried a lot. I was mad at God and told Him so. I would get on my knees and say to God, “I am so angry with you!”
Have you ever been there? Have you ever felt that God has deserted you? Did you ever feel like God had gone on vacation and took the checkbook with Him? Have you ever felt hopeless?
Listen to a man who had everything to live with and nothing to live for, King Solomon, the author of Ecclesiastes, “I came to hate life because everything done here under the sun is so troubling. Everything is meaningless—like chasing the wind…So I gave up in despair, questioning the value of all my hard work in this world… So what do people get in this life for all their hard work and anxiety? Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless” (Ecclesiastes 2:17-23-NLT).
At this stage of my life I felt hopeless to correct my situation. In the midst of my despair I wrote this poem:
When your weeping fills the cold night air,
And all you can do is sit and stare,
And God can’t be found anywhere.
Is this the valley of despair?
When words are painful, even in your prayer,
And other’s words sound like a dare,
And the devil has made your house his lair.
Is this the valley of despair?
When you sit and sulk in an awful chair,
And you don’t even seem to care,
And this may be your worst nightmare.
Is this the valley of despair?
Is there any way out of this dark despair?
Is there anyone here who can declare
That God’s is here, not over there,
In someone else’s deep despair?
Oh friend of mine, you’d best beware,
This valley you’re in isn’t rare,’
For many others have journeyed there,
This is the valley of despair.
Jason Crabb sings:" Sometimes I cry"
I look the part, blend in with the rest of the church crowd,I know the routine, I could list all the bible studies in town.
Watch Christian TV, I know all the preachers, their clichés.I've been born again and without a doubt I know I'm saved.
But sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry! Sometimes I can't get it right, no matter how hard that I seem to try.
Sometimes I fall down! And I stumble over my own disguise.But I try to look strong, as the whole world looks on, sometimes alone I cry.
I try to speak faith! Never give that old devil, no, not even an inch to get in.I do worship and praise.
Let everybody know just where that I stand. And on the back of my old four-wheel drive Chevy's a fish and a cross for the world to see.
'Cause I know my God is good, all the time, Yes, there's no doubt for me. But sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry!
Sometimes I can't get it right, no matter how hard that I seem to try.
